what I would like

If someone gets the question, what they would like in a relationship, I would think that most will start listing off personality traits that they would like their significant other to have. I've racked my brain so many times, and I've made lists of things that attract me to someone, but I can never really write them down, knowing that I want someone to be exactly like that.
Most of all I want someone different. Someone who doesn't meet my expectations, but excells them. Someone whom I would not expect to enjoy being with me, but surprise, they do. When people re-blog, or write long paragraphs about what 'cute guys' do, or what 'cute relationships' should be like, I never really want someone to be like that for me. I would really like to be that for someone else.

I want to make someone happy. I want them to call me first, when they're upset. To enjoy being around me all the time, and miss me when I'm not there. To want me, need me, and to think that I'm just what they need. I just want to make someone happy, because making other people smile, is great feeling.

moving out

I honestly cannot wait until I finish my schooling, and move into my dads house.
I have always felt like an outsider in this house, I don't fit in, and I really don't like spending more than 15 minutes here. All I do is sit upstairs on the computer, and it's depressing. When I leave to go out, she says she misses me, but I really don't understand. I never communicate with her, and if I do, I usually just get angry with her because our personalities just clash. I love my mother to death but it's killing me. She gives me too much. I don't need it.

This is the time where I wish I had someone whom I could just invite over and be with all the time. Or just go over their house. Someone who wants to be around me as much as I'd love to be around them.

Clocks

I’ve always seem to have a strange fixation with clocks. The fact that humans, somehow designed numbers and dates, from which derived a clock. Nothing special really, just a bunch of numbers that slowly count down the day from the beginning to the approximate end. I have always wondered what it would be like if we didn’t have watches or clocks, nothing that tells us were early, late, on time or still doing the same thing you were 10 minutes ago. Imagine if someone came to your house in the middle of the night, supposedly 1am, and changed every single clock, watch and device with a clock programmed into it in your house to 11pm. Imagine you had absolutely no idea that this had happened. What would be the consequence? There would of course be chaos, of being early, or late, or not knowing when to meet with someone because you are both living by different numbers. But then there would be freedom. No mental limitations. Nothing to tell you where to be and when, nothing to tell you that you are wasting ‘time’, how long you have been having fun, how long you have to have a good time. Imagine that.

When I am older, and I have my own house, I plan to have multiple simple round faced clocks on my wall, and around my house. Every single clock will be changed to a different time. Of course, one of them will be right, and I will know which one is correct, but all of those ‘incorrect’ clocks will remind me of how easily our lives can be manipulated, and how much we depend on materialistic ideas. In fact, our very world depends on it. Chaos and order have never been so easy to control.

Earthlings

http://www.earthlings.com/earthlings/video-full.php
I cannot even put into words how I feel right now. I have never felt so upset, or cried so much.
This is, for lack of a better word, inhumane, and unforgiveable.

"edge"

I do not drink, I do not do drugs, I do not smoke cigarettes, I do not claim 'straight edge'

I had a conversation with my friend the other day about people who claim 'straight edge'. Who wear all the clothing, have X tattoo's and cover their internet pages with things that symbolise and clearly state that they are edge. I do not claim straight edge because I do not like the whole labelling system. I do not have a problem with people who do claim straight edge (why would I..) but I do have a problem with people who label themselves anything in general (e.g. vegetarian, vegan, straight edge, bi-sexual etc) and then look down upon people who are not in that categorical label they so gladly boast about. Being different, or being a part of something that is a positive life choice is, yes, something to be proud of, and you may spread your happiness and your beliefs all you like, but do not talk down to people who do not believe the same. You have, as everyone has, every right to have an opinion, a belief, and to do whatever the heck you want, as long as you respect other peoples beliefs!

I do not claim Straight Edge for the fact that I do not want to boast. I don't have a problem with people who drink, or do drugs, or smoke. Sure, I may not want to be around those people, either when they are doing those things, or just in general, but I feel that if I claim edge that people will assume I have an extreme dislike for the PEOPLE who do those things. This is not true! I dislike the substances, and the effects that they have on the people.

Also, I'm not saying that all (or many) people who claim edge, shove their beliefs down peoples throats or disrespect people who are not edge. That is not the case at all. So please, if I have offended you I am sorry. If something in the last few paragraphs has upset you, please let me know and we can either discuss it or I will change it.

I do not claim Straight Edge, but I don't do drugs/smoke/drink alcohol
I do not claim to be bi-sexual, but yes, I like girls
Don't shove labels down my throat, thanks

weather

I miss Winter.
I miss crawling into bed in next to nothing, muscles contracting, shivering uncontrollably, while I wrap my thick, heavy duna around me. Arranging my limbs to the fetal position as my goosebumps fade away. I miss walking outside in the am and smelling the fresh, dewey air, as it stings the inside of my nostrils. Breathing and watching it evaporate, molecule by molecule. Watching the rain fall on dry leaves, leaving them moist and polished. The smell of rain, rain in general.
I adore cold weather, and I miss it, a lot.

Friday: Breakfast:

I decided I'm going to start blogging again
I'll start off with my breakfast today

This morning started really horribly (but Lilli cheered me up), so I decided to make a delicious salad for breakfast to make me feel better, and it did haha.

6 Asparagus shoots

1 Glass of water

Half a tomato

Half a carrot

Chopped lettuce

12 Snowpeas

1 Mushroom

3 Small pieces of cheese