addiction

It would be nice if I hated sweet foods such as chocolate, as much as I hate potatoes and pasta.
I can very, VERY easily turn down even a spoonful of pasta, or a piece of bread, and don't even need to think twice when someone puts a potato on my plate. But when it comes to chocolate, I cannot help myself. I always feel so horrible afterwards, and it's extremely stupid because it's basically the only 'bad' food I will indulge in [that and peanut butter]. But once I start, I cannot force myself to stop.

I dislike the idea of most foods so much, yet it's all I can think about, and it's all I ever talk about...
Talk about confusing! I'm a walking contradiction.

wake up

Last night, like most nights, I had a dream.
I cannot remember all of it, but I can remember one part:
I was standing on the scales weighing myself, and it said I was 37kg... the last time I weighed myself [in real life], I was 65kg. In my dream I looked in the mirror and I still looked the same [i.e. I still hated my body, and still picked and prodded myself]...
Am I so obsessed with my weight that it's now being portrayed into my dreams and thoughts even when I am not awake? I don't have an eating disorder, I eat food, not that I always want to, but I do eat it.
I'm worried of what I'm becoming.
Holy Shit...

release

I'm scared.
I don't even want to talk about it on here in case someone whom I don't want to read it, reads it. And then they might think I'm loopy, or weird, and I don't want that. I havn't really talked to anyone about the things in my life lately, and it's not helping the situation at all. I need someone to talk to, but at the moment, I don't really have anyone who won't judge me or will just tell me exactly what I don't want to hear. Lets hope writing this helps me think about it. Hmm...
//

deaf children

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq3FV_zdyy0&feature=channel
After watching this video, I am speechless, no pun intended.
I don't even know what to say about this video. I watched the whole thing twice over, in absolute awe from these children. To me, watching this short film, showed me how intelligent young people can be. I almost feel that deaf children have a different, possibly more sophisticated knowledge of certain things. I cannot justify my opinion with any smart facts because I have not experienced deafness.
I guess in the end I have complete respect and admiration for these children. I have always found it, not fascinating, because I do not like to say I would 'study' a certain 'type' of people... Inspirational may be the right word.
I'm not writing this very well.
I am literally speechless.
Complete admiration.