former upset self

I'm sure most of you can relate to being upset and writing things either on Facebook or to people that you have regretted after wards. When you are angry or upset, you can say things that you either do not necessarily mean, or should not have mentioned. I have learnt that when I am upset, I tend to whinge a lot and most things that I say or write come across as extremely depressing or misleading. To fix this i.e. avoid embarrassment and soppy 'woe is me' statuses, I write things down in my note pad and read them over once I am not upset. I look back on them and think to myself, 'It really wasn't that bad. It wasn't that big of a deal'.

"What the fuck do people want from me. If I complain or ask for sympathy and help, apparently I am too whingy and annoying. If I'm content being alone and can handle things on my own and am self-sufficient they go for the whingy ones. Fuck. I'm not loving anything anymore. It all ends in fucking pain. What's that? I'm whinging?  Yeah I'm fucking whinging because I'm sick of  trying so hard that I end up being the person who tries too hard. So I back off, try less, go with the fucking flow, and I get thrown off the same boat of happiness and love that everyone else is riding on and end up alone. Not floating. Not trying. Alone.''

This is one of the recent notes that I saved for myself to read later. I spilled out how I felt at that exact moment onto a page, and then left it behind. I am so glad that I have the strength to pull myself out of those situations, those lonely moods where everyone seems against me and it feels like no-one wants to love me. Reading back on the last paragraph, I can agree and disagree with my former upset self. Yes, it is difficult to strike the balance between happy and sad, rolling and stopping, depending on people and depending on yourself, but it's not all that bad. Everyone has to deal with it, everyone. And if you think you're alone? Then you really need to take a look outside, because there are so many people that are going to be there for you no matter what.

Conclusion: I love my friends and family. I don't like being 'single', but I'm doing okay on my own. I'm content.